what if i can't, joe?

what if i'm leaving in 5 minutes and racing to the airport where the plane's leaving for south america the only damn airport i can't walk to and i have to get a cab and it's already too late but i'm going to pretend she still wants me to come and i'm going to run there as fast as i can as fast as that plane will take me as fast as customs will let me through with my sweaty face gleaming eyes desperate smile don't you want me to see you anymore why did you leave me why aren't you taking me back why are you changing in front of me who are you why did you go?

random thoughts

who the fuck are you?

rolling out the big guns!

frou frou foxes in midsummer fires.

where is my mind? where is my heart? it's here. they're here. they never left.

you have the darkest eyes and the brightest smile i've ever seen.

i love you.

i'm moving out. this place is emptying quickly. of life. of vibration. of me.

this time i'm alright.

life goes on and on and on. if you think it's all gone wrong, go on and on and on.

odd thoughts on moving out

seeing these empty cabinets, empty closets, empty shelves...it's not unusual. it's like no one's really lived in this place for years. it's like there wasn't any love, any relationship, any home. it's good to get out. it's good to start over.

it's good to be in love again.

...to be continued...

i'm god

i'm god
that's not hubris
it's a fact
i made you
i can delete you
i can erase you
i can hurt you
i can kill you
i can envelope you
and eat you
and taste you every night
from a million miles
away

last the night

stay with me, now
my heart may not last
the night
i may look at you
and see someone else
but please know
i love you

i may remember different nights
when we laugh
and cry
or fuck
(sorry, "make love")

but i'm doing it with you
so take pleasure in that

i'm not bitter
i'm not angry
but i'm different
and new
and alone

and i'm ok with that.

winter wine

it isn't meant for july here...
it isn't supposed to be this time
of year
where do you go
when you run from those fears
why do you choose to drown

why do you drink yourself
stupid
why do you shut down your voice
why do you run from your soul's gift
when you have so much to give

i'm waiting for you.

new bag

she had a new bag.

that's when i knew it was really over.

she had a navy blue purse
with zippers all over it,
looking like crazy smiles,
clutched in her hand.

we moved the rest of her stuff out
in the heat,
remarking on how glad we were for air conditioning.
the talk was cordial, pointless,
until we got to the paperwork.

when she left i wasn't sure
whether to kiss her
or shake her hand.
she was foreign,
far removed from my world.

i realized the only person
i was running from
was myself.

i was tired of the chase.
i'd never catch up.
the race was over.
i won.

here's what i think

you may not want to know about this, but: i think cats save their shit until we've cleaned the box. then they march inside, happy and proud of themselves, and unload what they've kept inside for the last few hours, so they can watch us perform the entire routine all over again. i think this pleases them.

bullfrog

swamp time
bullfrogs sing their
distorted songs
beauty is distorted
but only enough
to fuck us over

anything

anything here is enough
to get me by
lightning caught
at the corner of my eye
is enough to
get me by
your boyfriend's here
what's the good news?
wait, how's that go again?
i wish i had enough punchlines
to keep you here
i wish i had enough lives
to live with you
but you're gone
and that's ok
because i'm alive
i'm alive til the end
i loved you
i miss you
goodbye

new post (LOL)

desert signs point to nothing
you're not drinking enough
you're not drunk enough
my friends are crazy
my friends here aren't
crazy enough
but i know your world
and i know your song
and i know you're
wrong
enough to get us by
so let's laugh
let's poison ourselves with laughter
let's die laughing
because
what the fuck else is there
to do?