i don't remember writing that

always refreshing to wake up and find a poem or something or other or whatever you want to call it that i have no recollection of writing at all. not due to drink or drugs or dereliction of duty...but perhaps just out of extreme fatigue. the fact that it resonates with me means i felt something while writing it. so there's that.

vacation starts tomorrow. lots of good people and ideas and feelings in my life right now. there's always uncertainty and voices 'whispering their bad advice' but i know i'm on the right path.

any other day

any other day but this
would be fine
if you were here
if you were here with me
any other day
would be fine with me
if you were here
to see me now
to hear my voice
to listen to my stories
to hear me cry
to touch my face
to hold my hand
to hold me steady
to watch me land
i miss your smile
i miss your smell
i miss your laughter
but i'm sleepy now
and i'll dream
of the girl i met
last night
because
it's another day

at night

softly
night pressing in from the corners
of the room
you turn on your side
gently coaxing sleep back
from its hiding place
you put your hand out
to seek that other warm hand
only to remember
it's gone on its own journey
so you bring your hand
back to yourself
and place it on your heart
and smile, knowing peace,
as sleep takes you away again.

all skeletons come from india

now that i realize it, there may actually be a poem on here with the exact same title, but fuck it.

wow, what a whirlwind month it's been. i feel comfortable in my own skin again. finally. after many moons, many months, many tears. things feel safe again, comfortable, and i'm looking at myself in a new light. confident and secure. things are about to start happening, because i say they are.

look out.

the seventeenth day

seventeenth day of the month
tears don't fall as quickly
as they did the last sixteen
maybe it's because
i forgive myself
every single night
and i don't stretch my heart out to you
anymore
but i keep it safe
here
in my hands
in my chest
cradled with my soul
my deepest soul
the love i gave to you
is now for me.

i gave my heart

i told her
via test message
that i wished she was here
to share the joy
the hawks ovehead
the seven hawks overhead
it wasn't her
it wasn't her
and i enjoyed it
i felt that joy

bet

i get
i bet
i had this t-shirt
that said bert
i had this notion
that i could go down there
into the stairs
into the haunted realm
you QUIT
you GAVE UP
you aren't my HERO
any more
you aren't my GODDESS
you stopped being my plot
when you left
you stopped being my pathway
when you left
you stopped being my girl
when you left

every night become another night

while i lay here
shouting my prayers up to god
god laughs down at me
and says 'yes' or 'no' depending on his or her mood
god's going to dictate whether or not
i speak to you.

i meant

through static and everything else
that there was still a chance
but you didn't mean that
you didn't mean that
you didn't mean the same thing
you didn't mean what i thought you meant

the night we packed

the night you left
the first night
the first time
we were young
and foolish
and unaware
foolishly optimistic
dancing in the night
dancing together
in the night
days passed like water
water with no shape
clouds with no form
love with no boundaries
the night we packed
was the last night
i remember your face